Yet ANOTHER way society brainwashes you…this time, it’s them telling you that there comes a time when you “should” be married or else there’s something wrong with you.
I’ve had many conversations with single women who were in their mid-30s and older and despite what they said, there was always this need to justify why they weren’t married. Even when I never even came close to questioning it, the defenses went up.
No one wants to admit that they’ve been brainwashed by society. How ridiculous, right? The truth is, however, that way too many people are and have been, whether they want to admit it or not. Even if they don’t want to admit it, that’s precisely a sign of being brainwashed; not believing that it has happened.
I’ll start by saying that this July, my wife and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. That being said, society has this twisted view that there comes an age when a woman should be married. I would add men to this, but for some reason, it’s more acceptable for men not to be. Men aren’t expected to be mature enough to want to settle down at almost ANY age, so men aren’t questioned very often that I’ve noticed.
Back to the women. Society has a lot of “requirements” of what makes a “successful” person. I could make a list and if I did, marriage would definitely be on there and near the top. Society as a whole feels so strongly about this that it’s caused single women to believe that there is something wrong with them if they are not married by the time they’re 35 and older.
Even as someone nearing 15 years of marriage, I can think of a hundred good reasons NOT to get married. Sometimes, a career doesn’t allow for the time for a woman to settle down. A woman could have gotten out of several bad relationships, including a divorce or two, by the time she’s asked about marriage. And low and behold, a woman may simply not have any desire to get married. Imagine that; a woman choosing not to do something simply because she doesn’t want to. How dare she do such a thing!
I’m not even going to mention that society also likes to throw around the word “lesbian” when it comes to single women once they reach a certain age also. So society can come up with THAT reason, but they can’t come up with the others?
The people of society can be idiots sometimes, and saying that is being nice. But most of the time, people have no desire to try and understand anything; they simply judge based on how the bandwagon looks and if you’re not on it, shame on you. In my opinion, this is the reason single women 35 and older often feel the need to justify why they aren’t married or even boast about how “great” it is to be single, whether they really feel that way or not. But it’s society’s doing. It’s really that simple. That’s right, ladies; society is brainwashing you to believe that YOU ARE WRONG FOR NOT BEING MARRIED.
But let’s think about this for a second. So society believes there’s something wrong with you if you’re 35+ and not married. That basically means that you are supposed to choose a man at a very young age, get married and stay married; apparently, no matter how he treats you. And Lord knows, you BETTER get it right the first time, because society ALSO likes to judge those who have been divorced once or twice. So forget whether or not you WANT to get married; society says you’re supposed to, and the reactions from MANY single women 35+ is basically nothing more than you justifying yourselves. Stop.
I’ll say that again; Stop. Stop explaining yourselves. Stop justifying why you aren’t married if you honestly don’t want to be. If you actually do want to get married but haven’t met the right man yet, again, stop explaining yourself. A LOT of people haven’t met their perfect other half yet. Lord knows we see MANY couples out there who have NO business being together at all. Is that supposed to be the reason you rush to get into a relationship? Then there’s the ridiculous divorce rate. Many people force the issue of being in a relationship just to say they’re in one. Don’t let society drive you to do that. And yes…society has made MANY people victims of just that as well.
Last but not least, single ladies, stop insulting your married friends. By “insulting,” I mean stop acting as though just because someone is in a relationship, that means they are just so utterly helpless and can’t so much as breathe on their own. That’s just silly. That shows YOUR bitterness more than anything else. You’ve seen the quotes and posts on Facebook and everywhere else. They go something like this: “I’m such a strong single woman because I don’t need ANYBODY to help me! I don’t need to rely on a man to pay my bills, buy me things,” blah blah blah. Don’t get me wrong, ladies; there’s nothing wrong with being proud of being a strong single woman; my mother was one. But be proud without having to put down your friends who are married as though they should apologize for it. You’re basically insinuating that they’re all weak because they were fortunate enough to find someone and that allows them to lean on them a little bit. If you’re truly proud to be single, then there’s no reason that should come out of your mouths. You should be intelligent enough to understand that just because another woman is in a relationship, that alone doesn’t mean you’re “stronger” than she is or that she can’t do a single thing on her own. Stop looking at a relationship as a mark of success and then feeling as though you’re some kind of “failure” because you’re not in one when you reach 35+.
Also, stop justifying whenever you turn a man down. That’s another way society brainwashes you. You mention that you’re going on a date with a man and when it doesn’t work out, you feel you have to explain yourself. If society is so dense that they can’t understand that some relationships simply don’t work out no matter how old you are, then it makes no sense to keep explaining yourself, because guess what? They’ll never get it.
One more time: If you are single and you actually want to be single, then be proud to be and stop explaining yourself and justifying your every move. But if you are single and don’t really want to be, don’t feel bad or like you’re some kind of failure. That’s society again. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you want to be in a relationship or want to get married and haven’t found the right man yet.
If society is going to judge you anyway, why waste the time explaining yourself, especially to them? If I, as someone who got married at age 20 and is still married to the same woman almost 15 years later can understand this, then what the hell is wrong with society and why can’t they get it?
Not enough room in this blog for the answer to that one.