Why Black Men Marry White Women: Better Yet, How Could You Possibly Know and What the Hell Business Is It of Yours? And That’s NOT a Rhetorical Question. I’m Listening…


I was doing research a little bit ago on a screenplay I’m working on and I ended up finding articles with titles to the effect of “Why Black Men Marry White Women.” What I was actually looking for had very little to do with that in particular, but whenever I’m writing and I do research, I leave all the windows open and revert back to them when necessary. Anyway, I decided to read a few of them.

I didn’t see too much that I was surprised by. The articles were often written by black women who claim to just know black men inside and out and pretty much everything was assumed nonsense. Real foolishness that stems more from jealousy than anything else. How do I know that?

Reading some of the comments on these articles, it’s astounding how many black women feel as though black men HAVE to date or marry them or there must be something wrong with them. Many fuss about “good black men” being “taken away from them” by white women as though white women sit around, rubbing their hands together, salivating and just PLANNING to do this.

My wife and I have been married for almost 15 years and have been together for more than 16. In all that time, I’ve heard ALL KINDS of reasons that I married her; most of which were incorrect. Some of the stupidest, most ignorant, egotistical nonsense I’ve ever heard. Mostly from those who have never talked to ME about it. Just assuming and going DEEP with it.

I’m not going to sit on here and explain why I married my wife. I don’t owe anyone that explanation. You’re just going to assume anyway, right? But let’s get a bit into some of the idiotic assumptions that again, I’ve heard from other blacks, mostly women, as to why I chose to marry someone who happens to be white, along with other black men who do so, so if you’re one of them, read on:

Black men marry white women because they’re weak. Weak in what way, exactly? Who made you the authority on what constitutes as “weak,” especially when it comes to black men or anyone at all? To say that would be assuming that ALL black women are “strong” (again, in what way, exactly?) and all simply are not, at least by my standards. Then again, I don’t judge strengths and weaknesses based on race. That would be ignorant. And yes, if that’s what you’re doing, that’s exactly what I’m calling you. What exactly is it about a black woman that I’m so “weak” or intimidated by? As you make that list, also list proof on how those things apply to me. Don’t just say that I’m “intimidated” by black women. That’s a joke. Tell me HOW. Don’t just ramble. Give specific examples and how they apply to ME. Take your time.

White women are submissive and that’s what we want. Really? That’s what I want? Again, provide some proof or keep your mouth shut. Submissive means they’ll do anything and everything we want. Excuse me, but after almost 15 years with my wife, there are things I ask that she STILL doesn’t do. She sure as hell doesn’t call me “Master” (not that I would even dream about making her) and when I say things, she doesn’t just shut up and do them. We TALK about it (and have argued about many things also) and many times I see her side of things as well. There have been many times I’ve simply listened to something she has told me. But that’s how a marriage works. Give and take. That concept is probably foreign for many of you, but as far as “submissive” goes, try again. I know a LOT of white women who don’t take anything from anybody, even the almighty, self-proclaimed “strong” black woman, so, you’ll have to take that nonsense back to your little fantasy world.

Black women get with white women because a black woman wouldn’t put up with his shit (sorry, Mom). That’s probably the funniest one on this list. Seriously, I got with my wife because black women “wouldn’t put up with my shit”? What “shit” would that be, exactly? Seriously, use ME and tell me what “shit” of mine a black woman wouldn’t put up with that my wife obviously will. Not to mention, who’s to say that I would put up with YOUR shit? Seriously, we get together and the only one who would have “shit” to deal with would be me? Give me a break. To say that’s beyond ignorant would be too nice. It’s simply a stupid comment and even more stupid that you don’t realize what this really means. You’re bitching about me and other black men getting with white women, then you turn around and say that it’s because you “wouldn’t put up with our shit.” So you get mad, huffy and it’s a problem that we get with white women and the REASON it’s a problem is because we have behavior that you “wouldn’t put up with.” Just think about that one for a second. Seriously…just think about it.

Because we want to be on the “bandwagon”. Someone said this one to me last year when I told the truth (yes, the TRUTH) about the Trayvon Martin incident, which of course, didn’t match her views. I don’t know what the hell my wife had to do with the situation, but of course, as many black women have done, they resort to insulting her when I don’t just roll over and shut up as the “weak” man that they ignorantly expected me to be. But what “bandwagon” is this? The “white” bandwagon? Help me out here. That just makes no sense to me. I married a white woman for the purpose of getting on this “bandwagon”? I understand that when you’re jealous or bothered by something I’ve said, you need to lash out, but really…you need to think a little better about that one and not choose something so ridiculous. Sorry to break it to you, but you’re not royalty. Don’t pretend you understand something that you know nothing about. If you can’t keep the conversation on me without dragging my wife into it, that shows how weak you are. And yes, that’s WEAK. That’s what kids do. Can’t get to me, so bring an innocent person into it. Lame.

Because we don’t love or respect ourselves enough. We don’t love or respect ourselves enough to do what? Choose a woman based solely on race? To do what society tells me to do? To go for what makes ME happy and be proud to do so with no regard to what everyone else thinks? Sounds like we love ourselves well enough to BE ourselves. Sorry honey, but you can’t determine what I feel about myself based on who I married. Love and respect doesn’t mean doing what YOU want; it means doing what I want. How does this one even make sense? So you’re a psychiatrist and can tell WHY I did something? Wrong again.

Because we’re ashamed of black women. How so? I can’t even comment further on this one because I wouldn’t know where to go with it. What is it about black women that I’m supposedly so “embarrassed” by? I don’t look at all black women the same, so if you’re so inclined, help me understand this one. You’re assuming that I look at all black women the same. Like I said, I don’t. What’s so negative about black women as a whole that you’re just so sure I’d be embarrassed by?

Now the list can go on, but no need. At least not right now. But it’s just downright embarrassing that there are black women out there who really think they have us figured out. It’s basically just ranting and raving because you feel that for a black man to choose a woman who happens to be white is something against you personally. Here’s the thing, though…EVERYTHING IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. Every decision isn’t made with you in mind, nor is your permission needed for anything. Again, you’re not royalty. Some of you may read this and feel that I’m putting down all black women. If you’re intelligent at all, you’ll easily see that I’m not. See, just because I say “black women” in here does not mean I’m talking about EVERY ONE. I don’t KNOW all black women, just like you don’t know all black men to know why certain decisions are made.

I married the woman I did because I love her. She just happens to be white. Now if that’s too hard for you to understand, then that’s on you. But trying to pretend you get why and spitting out all these bullshit reasons just make you look and sound stupid and desperate. You don’t have to want the black men you say this about, but truthfully, what other reason do you have for having such a problem with it when it doesn’t involve you AT ALL?

Ultimately though, it’s none of your damn business. Even if a man chose to outright marry a white woman for all the dumb reasons you assume, so what? Do you really think that running your mouth is going to change his mind or make him feel guilty or shameful in some way? It doesn’t. I would never want to be with a woman who put me down like that anyway. I’m about to be 35 and this has happened for just about my whole life. It’s just funny now. Because just about every time, there is no proof. None at all. Show me some proof and as I said above, how it applies to me.

Otherwise, for your own good, either accept it or move on. At least with me, those are your only options.

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One Response to Why Black Men Marry White Women: Better Yet, How Could You Possibly Know and What the Hell Business Is It of Yours? And That’s NOT a Rhetorical Question. I’m Listening…

  1. Rareity says:

    Amazing! Race, creed, nationality, social status, financial bla bla bla we call in love with who we call in love with. Wow! How unfortunate that their is still racism in the world. God out is here for a reason. Not to jidge, not to need, not to hurt, not to jidge, not to hate, not to speculate, not stereo type. Merely to learn. We are here to learn. Who we choose to spend our days experiencing with us no ones business but our. Great post. I’m every culture people have judgemental reasons why we should be sticking inside our cultures and it’s completely redicilous. Powerful read.


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