So, you’re doing pretty well. You’re not rich or even well-off necessarily, but you’re doing all right to the extent that you’re not struggling for dear life every day. Hell, you may even not have to live paycheck to paycheck. That’s a GOOD thing.
Now let’s talk about your friends. Some of them are happy for you and enjoy seeing you doing well or at least on your way to do better. Then there are those friends who aren’t doing very well themselves and there’s no secret to how bitter they are about it.
In a perfect world, a person who calls him or herself your “friend” is always happy for you if you’re doing well and they continue to wish you the best. However, the world is far from perfect.
Jealousy can make a person VERY ugly, and we see it the most when we have things they don’t and wish they did have. Oh, they’ll claim they don’t care for those “things,” but you’re not stupid and neither are they. They DO care. Otherwise, they wouldn’t talk so often about how much they didn’t.
One thing that I find sad is that these friends aren’t in such bad shape that they’re not able to work toward better in their own lives, but let’s face it; while there are some people out there who were dealt a raw hand and have absolutely no choice in where their lives are headed, most people do NOT fall into this category and they are where they are by choice. Period. Let’s not beat around the bush with this. These folks lead you to believe that they’re “struggling” because they’re just trying their hardest day in and day out, but the truth is that they simply are not and they expect you to either feel sorry for them and when that doesn’t happen, then they try and make you feel as though everything you have “isn’t that important.” There’s that ugly jealousy. They’re basically hiding behind all those folks who really ARE struggling and try to pass off what they’re going through as “struggling” as well when it’s nowhere near that.
I’m here to say that you should NEVER feel like you are doing something wrong simply because you’re doing well and they are not. These jealous “friends” try to make you feel that way, but just remember that it’s JEALOUSY talking, not the truth (despite what they say). These friends talk so much about how material possessions don’t matter and how you shouldn’t worry about them because you “can’t take them with you,” but you and those friends know damn well that if they were in the position you were in, they’d be exactly the same or worse when it comes to those material possessions. Again, no one is stupid.
Those friends who have nothing will be quick to talk about “loyalty” also, as though they’re all of a sudden experts on the topic. I have friends and family members who owe me money and they have the nerve to talk about “loyalty.” Please. But in their continued, pitiful efforts to hide their jealousy, they try and make you feel insignificant simply because they do. The “loyalty” basically boils down to the fact that you have more money than they do and you’re supposed to kick some out to them. That’s about it. Of course, many times they won’t ask (some will), but there’s an unspoken “expectation” that either you’re supposed to just GIVE them money or if you do loan it to them, you’re not supposed to ask for it back. That’s “loyalty” for you, right?
These friends are also quick to try and declare that your priorities are messed up just because you’ve worked hard, saved up and want a nice car or a nice house. Of course, they’re the ones who like to peddle the whole “it doesn’t matter what your house or your car looks like” nonsense as well, even though we all know better and they’d jump right on these things if they had the opportunity. The truth is that they’re actually putting more stock in your material possessions than you are.
Think about that for a second…you buy a nice car and want to show it off. You’re not necessarily rubbing it in anyone’s faces, but you’ve busted your ass, saved up for months and was finally able to buy that car you’ve had your eye on. You’re proud of the fact that you were disciplined enough to sacrifice other things you’ve wanted in order to get this car.
However, these friends will never see that. Another ill side effect of jealousy. Friends like these never notice the effort you put toward something. You buy a nice car today and they will swear that you just woke up one day and decided to go into your little unlimited stash of cash to pay for it. That’s how friends who THINK they’re struggling act; they never pay attention to the work it took you to get somewhere because they’re so busy boasting about “struggling” so much, like struggling is a badge of honor of some kind, that they miss all the months and sometimes years it takes you to get to where you are.
Of course, in the meantime, they’re doing nothing. Absolutely nothing.
This is the reason you should never and I say again, NEVER feel like you’re doing anything wrong, despite what they try and tell you. You don’t owe them a damn thing. If they don’t want to work to get better for themselves, that’s on THEM. Just remember that you’re working hard while they aren’t, and the proof is in the pudding. Of course they will put down your material possessions simply because they want some or all of them for themselves. No big secret there. Otherwise, they’d shut up about it.
People love to talk about “not understanding” when other people have to struggle, but the truth is that it’s not your job to understand. You don’t need to keep slowing yourself down to see what you already know, and that’s that those friends are not working as hard as they can. Again, yes, some people can’t help where they are, but most people can and choose not to. That’s NOT your responsibility. Some people are plain lazy. That’s it. No dancing around that. I’m too old now to sit here and pretend I don’t know that’s what’s going on and you don’t need to be, either.
People will do just about anything to feel better about themselves, even put their own friends down. Going back to that “can’t take it with you” expression, it’s pretty damn sad that those “friends” are in such bad shape that they have to put you in a grave to feel better about themselves. But remember, this is YOUR life. If you want to save up for that car, save up for that car and be DAMN PROUD of it once you get it. Same for the house. Life is short and meant to be ENJOYED. If those things make you happy, you owe no explanations to anyone.
If you’re one of those who has friends who are doing better than you, instead of being jealous and lying about material possessions just because you don’t have them, understand that not everyone is meant to be at the same point in life. Stop comparing yourself to them. If you don’t care about the possessions, SHOW it by not talking about them. People like me and those other friends of yours know how hard we’ve worked toward something and we’re not about to let your tired, ugly jealousy change that.
I’m in Afghanistan right now and I have my eye on a GORGEOUS new orange Dodge Charger in which I’ve already paid the down payment and will be picking up in about six months (less if we get out of Afghanistan early). If you think I’m going to let a “friend” who mostly sits on his or her ass try and put me down when I’m over here and fighting for our country and all because I want to get this car, you have another thing coming. Friend, family or otherwise; you can kiss my ass.
Instead of worrying about what I have, get off your ass and work for what you want as well, because you DO want more than you have. Stop pretending you don’t, because you’re not fooling anybody. But trying to put me down on makes you look and sound jealous, pitiful and many times just plain stupid. Plus, after all the work I put in to get the things I have, it’s laughable to me anyway.
As for the others, don’t apologize or explain yourself. You’re where you are by CHOICE. You work hard and you deserve to reward yourself for it. Those “friends” didn’t and don’t work hard and bottom line is that they deserve to be right where they are as well. No amount of jealousy will change that.