I’m so sick of the excuses. It’s embarrassing to me as a man that there are idiots out there who call themselves men and make excuses for rape. On top of that, we have the nerve to get angry whenever women start talking about it. They wouldn’t have anything to talk about if we weren’t out there doing it.
I’ll preface this by saying that I could NOT and I mean COULD NOT CARE LESS if you’re a man reading this and have a problem with it. Unless you plan on coming to Afghanistan and addressing me in person, I’m not interested in you getting your little panties in a bunch over another man saying these things. It’s the truth and needs to be said.
However, WE need to be saying it, NOT women. They’ve been saying it enough. It’s time that we as men acted like men and grew up. It’s time that we as men take responsibility for our actions. I don’t care if you’re not the one running out there and raping women. If you’re keeping quiet, you are just as wrong.
One of the biggest problems is that it’s 2014 and there are men out there who STILL feel that we are superior to women. I’m just dumbfounded that in this day and age, that kind of foolishness can still come out of the mouths of so many. Even worse is that there are men out there who feel that accomplishments don’t even matter. The simple fact that you’re a man means you’re above a woman. Looking at what women have been able to achieve, I learned a long time ago that men are FAR from superior to women. You don’t have to AGREE with that. Disagreeing with something doesn’t mean it isn’t happening and if you can’t see it, then you might as well change your name to Stevie Wonder.
It’s often said that people make fun of or put down what they don’t understand. If you call yourself a grown man, then here’s what you need to do. You need to SIT DOWN, SHUT UP and think about this from a woman’s point of view. The first thing we do when women bring this is up is that we fuss and whine about our own feelings. Here’s a news flash: OUR FEELINGS DO NOT COMPARE HERE. Did you get that? Women are talking about what is ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO THEM and men, grown men are saying, “Waaah! Stop picking on us!” as we sit by and not only watch this continue to happen, but make excuses and blame women for the fact that WE AS MEN can’t control ourselves. Wrong answer.
So let’s think about some of the things women have to do to protect themselves against us. Better yet, let’s think of the things we tell them to do. They can’t be out at night. They shouldn’t walk by themselves. They can’t wear anything that basically exposes skin. When they walk back to their cars, they have to have their keys out before they get there. They shouldn’t carry purses. They can’t go to bars. They can’t drink alcohol. They can’t leave their drinks unattended. They can’t have an active sex life (you know, because an active sex life is CLEARLY the equivalent to wanting to be raped). Go to the bathroom in pairs. Always carry mace. Park in a well-lit area. Walk in a populated area and goodness knows, the list can go on.
Now, here’s the first problem. If a woman gets raped, our first impulse is not to be pissed and ready to hurt someone. No…our first thought is what I stated above and whether those women did any of those things. Men, you need to understand that NO MATTER WHAT THE ANSWER IS, you’ve already victimized her by even asking the question, even if she said that she didn’t do any of those things. I’ve even heard of women being burglarized at home, they’re raped, and even then, questions are asked to the woman. When this happens, this is what I’m sure a woman hears, “So you were raped? What the hell did you do?”
Here’s the second problem. Men, what if we were told NOT to do all those things? First of all, we would think that was ridiculous. Better yet, we don’t even have to take it that far. Let’s just say that you were driving your car and you got into an accident. Without even knowing ANY of the details, let’s say people just came up to you and said it was your fault. For what? For driving. That’s it. Not driving fast; not driving slow. Just driving. The fact that you got into your car is the reason you got into the accident. So that and that alone, is the reason the accident happened. It doesn’t matter that the other person was in the wrong lane, was speeding, drinking and driving, talking on their cell phones or anything else. None of that makes a difference because YOU got in your car and choose to drive. How dare you.
If that sounds ridiculous, guess what? It sounds just as ridiculous when women are told not to do any of those things I mentioned above. Yes, I get it…a lot of us will still ask women not to do those things because the men who rape are not right in the head and we just want to protect our ladies. If rape happens to them, we won’t say it’s their fault or blame them for it. I’m sure a lot of women do appreciate our concern, but one thing we have to understand is that despite our best intentions, we are still victimizing them.
For example, we see a woman on the street dressed in very little clothing. So often, the first thing many of us says is, “I would NEVER let my daughter walk out of the house looking like that!”
Why? What’s the reason for it? Do we feel that the woman on the street is wrong for dressing the way she did? Do we feel that she has the right to wear what she chooses? If so, what makes us say that our daughters CANNOT look like that if we truly feel that the woman is okay to dress like that? That’s what I mean when I say that we are still victimizing despite our best intentions. For the record, I’m not immune to this. My wife and I have a six-year-old little girl and we find ourselves saying that quite often. Women say this as well, so this is not “only men say this” deal. So what do we do in that case? I would say that the best way is to let your daughter know that you trust her to do the right thing, but not everyone was brought up the way she was and that it’s the potential predators out there who can’t be trusted, not her.
Now, many men do NOT have good intentions at all and have it engraved in their minds that rape is ALWAYS a woman’s fault in some way. Each time we hear that it’s happened on the news or if a woman starts talking about it, we get that “Oh God; here they go again…” look on our faces. However, we say almost nothing about the man who raped her.
It makes me sick enough that rape happens to begin with, but even more sickening is the fact that there are way too many men out there who DON’T feel the way I do. Hold on…am I saying that every man out there should feel the way I do about rape? You’re damn right I’m saying it. Hell, I’m looking for someone who gets more pissed off at men than me so I can feel the way he does when this happens. This should infuriate EVERY ONE OF US.
Many times, it hits home when someone says, “What if it happened to your mother, your sister, your daughter…?” Rape alone is bad enough and it shouldn’t take it happening to women in our families before it “matters.” I hate the whole notion of being “desensitized” to it. Rape is a crime that is so vicious that there should NEVER become a time where it becomes “ho hum” and we move on. To me, desensitized means we don’t care about it anymore. That should never be the case.
So men, what can we do? We can’t stop it from happening, right? Thinking that is the wrong answer and the primary reason it continues to happen. ONE rape is too many. I don’t care how cliché that sounds, because there should NEVER be a level that is acceptable. Never. I don’t know what the yearly statistics are, but our aim should be ZERO. Don’t talk to me about being “realistic.” Save it. That’s just an excuse to be lazy and allow things to continue. It’s never “our” problem, right? It hasn’t happened to us or anyone we know, so the problem will go away on its own, right? “Somebody else” will fix it. These are all excuses. I don’t care how unrealistic it is to reach a level where rape is not happening, but if we don’t even go into the conversation thinking it’s possible, then it will continue. It’s only a matter of time before you will no longer be able to say that you didn’t think it could happen to someone you love. The men out there who feel rape is acceptable bank on the fact that we as a society aren’t even trying to prevent this from happening. Society doesn’t even care enough to stop it, so why should they?
That’s just like if you publicly said, “Okay, everyone. People have been breaking into our house every day for an entire month and we’re tired of it. So we’re going to look to reduce break-ins in our house by 50%.” Does that sound really threatening? What the criminals will hear is that you’re only concerned about stopping half of the break-ins, so the odds are still in their favor. Now if you come out and say that you’re looking to stop them ALL, whether it’s possible or not doesn’t matter. That means a whole lot more than saying you’re only worried about catching half of them. That’s how we have to approach rape. It ALL needs to stop. Not reduced by 25%, 50% or whatever else. 100%.
Men, IT STARTS WITH US. PERIOD. We can’t keep getting angry at women for talking about something that should be near and dear to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. So when women start talking about it, our anger should never be toward them, because they aren’t the ones committing the rape…
Our fellow men are. And that’s who and what we should be absolutely PISSED about.