So, An Interracial Relationship Or Speaking Out About Problems Within Our Community Makes Me a “Self-Hating Black Person”? Takes One To Know One


It has come to my attention a good while ago that a lot of people out there are jealous of me.  Plain and simple.  However, I’m not referring to material possessions or things like that, because for one, that has NEVER defined my life and two, I could lose those things at any time.  What I’m referring to is one simple fact…

…that I have the courage to TRULY be myself and many others do not.

This bothers people, I think, even more than any material possessions I have ever will.  As I said, material possessions come and go.  However, being yourself is ALWAYS there.  Now there are a LOT of posers out there.  That is, people who claim to be themselves but any fool can plainly see that that person is anyone BUT.  Then again, if you do not know me, what guarantee do you have that I am not the same way?

You don’t have any.  But let me tell you how I am comfortable in my skin to the extent that it irritates a lot of people.  I’m speaking primarily of the black community.

Notice that I said “primarily.”  That does not imply that I’m speaking ONLY about the black community, but as for the majority that I’ve noticed?  Absolutely.

Growing up, I had a lot of white friends.  I’ve had mostly white girlfriends.  People believe I’m more attracted to white women.  My wife is white.  Now those facts alone could never imply that it’s simply just how things have turned out.  Oh no.  In the eyes of much of our community (again, from what I’ve noticed and what many have said to me), these facts could ONLY mean one thing…

…that I’m ashamed of my race and I hate myself.

Yeah?  Interesting perspective on how I feel.  Who needs licensed psychologists, right?  Just observe the race(s) of the people a person just happens to associate with and then you’ll have them ALL figured out.

Along with the other idiotic aspects of my life that members of the black community THINK they know about me, this is probably among the most ridiculous.  How I feel about myself can’t possibly be determined in the ways they’re doing so, which leads me to one conclusion…

…that many of YOU who feel that I’m a “self-hating black person” is MUCH more self-hating than I could EVER be.

It’s like this. I am VERY comfortable in my own skin.  Being comfortable in my own skin means I do what the hell I want.  Period.

Many people are okay with me doing what I want as long as they “approve” of it.  Then I am praised for being myself.  However, if they don’t approve, rather than being a MATURE adult and realizing that I am NOT nor have I EVER been put here strictly to please everyone, they get to running off at the mouth and thinking they have my life figured out.  They lash out and start talking nonsense.


I call these people “self-haters” themselves because they can’t do what I do.  They don’t associate heavily with white people.  They don’t date outside their race.  They can’t handle seeing someone else comfortable doing so because it’s something they wish they had the guts to do.

No, they let society dictate who they are to get into relationships with.  Who they are allowed to be friends with.  Who they are allowed to associate with as they work to reach particular goals. The black community has this strong belief that heavy association with white people means that we are “selling out” of our own race.  We’re embarrassed of our people and this is how we are showing it.

Number one, as individuals, you’re not that important.  At least not in this aspect.  Sorry, but nah, not really.  My decisions are about ME and not YOU.  As a black woman, you have ZERO to do with why I married someone who happens to be white.  You will NEVER have that kind of control in my life for the decision of who I marry to be directly related to you in some way.  I’m not with a white woman for all the idiotic reasons you may think.

As for “self-hating,” if you love yourself, you do what the hell you want without regard to popularity.  A lot of people I know don’t do that.  I DO.  People are in denial about wanting to be popular, but I actually show it.  I have more white friends than black (just thinking off the top of my head), but that’s because that’s just how it worked out.  I didn’t go out and particularly CHOOSE it to be that way.  If I did, there would be a lot less black people on that list.  You know, if that was my “aim” and everything.

In many ways, there’s no need to explain this, because as always, people will still assume what they want.  That’s okay.  For those of you out there who feel I’m a self-hating black person, as the title states, it takes one to know one.  See, in reality, you are sickeningly jealous of the fact that I don’t follow society’s rules.  I don’t follow what our community says I should do.  I will NEVER be a prisoner to the black community.  It’s a shame that I have to put it like that, but that’s honestly what it is sometimes.  Being a “prisoner” to our community’s rules.

I’m not having that.  Ever.  And that burns a lot of you up.

Guess what?  That’s not my fault, nor my problem.  It’s yours.  I can look at a person and not judge them on race alone.  That is VERY EASY for me.  It’s not for some of you.  You’re mentally “shackled” to where you HAVE to include race in the equation for pretty much every decision you make, especially when it comes to what our community says we’re supposed to do.  I don’t.

I judge a person’s character when I GET TO KNOW THEM.  There is nothing that applies to ALL white people or ALL black people.  That is a VERY SIMPLE concept to understand, yet so many of you act like you don’t get it.  Again, that’s YOUR problem, not mine.  If you don’t love yourself enough to make decisions for yourself and I mean TRULY yourself, then you’re the last person who should be calling me a “self-hater.”  You have that self-hating thing down pat and you’re more of an expert on it than I would ever  be.  However, don’t get mad at me.  It’s not my fault that you’re that way.  I’ve never encouraged anyone to be that way. I encourage the exact opposite.  But of course, many are too dense to understand that.  You see the way I am and who I associate with, and that bothers you because despite all the loud talking and self-proclaiming of this and that, the bottom line is that you wish you had it in you to be that way yourselves.

Instead of getting mad and speaking out with nonsense against me, maybe you should take the mental “shackles” off and take notes.   I did that a LONG time ago.  Some of you need to do the same.  If you can’t bring yourself to do that, fine and well, but before you open your mouth about me or other similar black people to say that we are “self-hating,” just take a good look in the mirror at yourself.  You’ll see the epitome of the “self-hater.”

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