For those of you who have been following pretty closely as to the dream I’m looking to accomplish, let me preface by saying this: I am NOT quitting anything.
However, for those of us who attempt to follow our dreams, there are sometimes MANY instances where things just feel impossible, depending on the dream.
As for me, I’m an aspiring screenwriter. I just completed a sitcom pilot script that I’m looking to send to my favorite actress, Nashville star Connie Britton. I chose her because of an idea she threw out there. I’m not sure if she was just kidding about it, but in any case, it inspired me to begin and complete this script.
Ideally, the absolute BEST-case scenario is that the show makes it onto the air.
However, I know better than that. With where I am in this whole journey, this is definitely not something I should be holding my breath on happening. Not now. So from a more realistic standpoint, it would be amazing to know that this script has made its way to her. That alone would be unreal, but to discover that she was in any way impressed by it would be an absolute dream come true.
To start with, show business has many unwritten rules that are followed. The biggest one that will affect me is that an actor or actress will almost NEVER talk directly with a fan in this capacity. Especially one who is unknown as I am. Even in the event that my script made it to Connie in some way and she was in any way impressed by it, chances are, it would be very unlikely that she would tell me herself. As long as it was the truth, I would never nitpick to say that she had to tell me herself. My point is that as much as I would love to meet and talk to Connie, especially about my script, it’s probably not happening any time soon.
Under normal circumstances, an aspiring screenwriter should not contact an actor/actress anyway, because they ultimately aren’t the ones who make the decision(s) on whether a show idea has the legs to be put into production. There are many others who would do that. A big name actress like Connie Britton, especially after more than 25 years in the business, certainly has the pull and would know exactly who to go to in order to make something happen. So to many, it would make perfect sense that I’m doing what I’m doing.
However, this is when the “impossible” feeling(s) come in.
First off, again, Connie Britton is the STAR of Nashville. She isn’t an extra, a minor or a recurring character. The show starts and her name is the one with “Starring” above it. She is also a co-executive producer. Along with that, in her 25+ years, she has done other popular shows (most notably Spin City and Friday Night Lights) and several movies.
Second, there are so many times when I say and have said to myself that I must be crazy to think Connie would ever want to talk to me, even about this. Maybe I’m just plain stupid in this case. I’ve sent her messages on Twitter and even prepared a video just to let her know that the script was completed. Of course, I haven’t received a response, but that should have been my first clue. At this point in all this, there is no way she would ever want to talk to me. I honestly don’t blame her.
I want to be clear in stating that I am NOT writing this for sympathy, nor am I expecting her to ever read this. I am simply writing to state my feelings on what it feels like through this process to want to quit, even though I know I’m not going to. Something does keep me going, but many days, it’s just hard to know exactly what that something is or whether it’s even worth it anymore.
As with anything, some days are better than others. There are times when I feel how impossible this is and others where I actually feel like something just may indeed happen.
The feeling of wanting to quit is a very exhausting feeling at times. I sometimes feel like I’ve totally wasted time. I spent weeks writing that script and the person I would like to send it to is in a position where she would not even give it the time of day. She’s very busy, so I get that. I completely understand. I’m not in any way putting her down for this.
That’s another thing. I do understand that this is something I cannot take personally. This is not a next-door neighbor who closes the shades when she sees me come outside to check my mailbox. She’s honestly a world away from me right now and her not responding likely has very little to do with me at all. That’s just the way it is. She has thousands of fans. She may love us as a whole, but there just isn’t the time or the energy to begin to give any one of us individual attention, unless it’s something that really blows her away.
Many times, I feel that even spending a few weeks on writing a script based on an idea she came up with herself, whether serious or kidding, won’t be enough.
It’s this thought, along with many others, that allow the feeling of wanting to quit to creep into my mind. While I can imagine all the good scenarios, I can also play the very negative ones in my head as well. That’s honestly difficult not to do when it comes to something in which the odds are stacked so heavily against me.
I feel like this is just inevitable sometimes. I would love to become successful at this and say, “I’ve NEVER wanted to quit,” but that would be a complete lie. I honestly feel it is when others say it as well. The feeling of wanting to quit is viewed as a weakness to some, so it’s no wonder people aren’t anxious to admit it, but I don’t have a problem doing that here.
I think the main reason is because at this point, I look at exactly what I’m hoping to accomplish and maybe I’m having a tough time wrapping my mind around it actually ever happening. I cannot imagine watching a woman on my favorite television show each week and know that she’s been impressed by something I’ve shown her. I can’t even express how it would feel to watch Nashville each week knowing that the lovely woman I gaze at so adoringly has been impressed with something I’ve done.
My periodic desire to quit is not because I lack the confidence in my writing ability. It is not because I feel Connie Britton is some stuck-up, conceited actress who is full of herself. On the contrary, I think she would be absolutely amazing to talk to. I think that I feel like this at times because of the picture I chose for this blog post. I just know that it will be a seriously uphill climb. I may reach the top and I may not.
Then again, fear could have a part in this as well, but strangely, it’s not the fear of failing. Few people may not understand this, but as I’ve progressed in my journey as an aspiring screenwriter, I’ve actually reached a point of unfamiliar territory for me. A small part of me feels like there’s a chance I just may be able to make this happen. How does that lead to a feeling of wanting to quit? It’s because quite frankly and surprisingly, some days…
…it really scares me.