My wife, Jill, and I have been married for more than 16 years. Now anyone who has been in a lengthy relationship or anyone with any amount of intelligence at all knows that when being together for that long, you’re bound to have problems here and there. Then again, it doesn’t even have to be close to that much time. A few years, or even a few months, and there are problems. There’s no way around that.
However, there seems to be so many people, mainly single folks, who have something to say about couples who post pictures on social media like the ones I chose above. Usually, it’s something positive, but of course, there are those jealous ones who try and analyze the aspect of the relationship that we don’t see in the smiles in the pictures.
By the way, neither of this pictures are of me and my wife. Take the black man from one and the white woman from the other, and that’s us. Not literally, of course, but do I really have to explain that?
Anyway, so…to my single folks out there who seem to think that couples on post pictures like these to put on a “show” or are attempting to hide problems in a relationship, stop being jealous. Just stop. Just because you like to hang around on social media all day doesn’t mean everything revolves around you. Most couples don’t post pictures like these as attempt to try and “hide” anything.
It’s because we’re damn happy. You’re happy, you smile. Not rocket science.
I get a chuckle each time I see a single person post something trying to analyze someone’s relationship when you have no clue. You really don’t. The funny thing is that most of the time, all you have is the fact that they’re smiling in the picture. That’s it. From that alone, you can determine that their relationship isn’t really “perfect” and that they’ve had problems.
No shit, Sherlock. Every relationship has problems. You’re not exactly discovering the cure for cancer in saying that.
When I look at some of what my wife and I have gone through in the time we’ve been together, some days, I wonder how it’s lasted for so long, but most days, I’m pretty damn proud that we both saw enough in each other to keep it together. That’s the thing I believe a lot of single people don’t understand. Smiles don’t mean the relationship is perfect and has no issues. Those smiles are from the happiness that comes from working hard at keeping something together when, by many means, it shouldn’t be.
I say that because again, I am black and my wife is white. Yes, in 2015, that’s still frowned upon by so many. So I’m guessing a lot of people not only don’t want to see us together, but wouldn’t exactly be broken up if we…broke up. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that I am “supposed” to be with a black woman. As if I asked for permission.
We all know how jealousy works. Let’s be real here. A lot of you single people out there are jealous to see others in relationships at all, let alone happy ones. Now I can’t speak for everyone, but I don’t post about my relationship to put down single people or to rub it in your faces. I do it because I feel like it and I’m happy with my wife. It’s not all about you.
At the same time, relationships are NOT for everyone. I understand this. Society has created this notion that being in a relationship or a marriage is a sign of “success” in some way. Even having been married for sixteen years and having two beautiful children, I don’t believe that at all. I am happy and feel very blessed that my life has seen that fortune, but it’s really not for everyone. I don’t use this as a “measuring stick” of any kind to say I’m more successful than someone else.
I’m intelligent enough to know that there are many reasons a person is single. For one, they simply choose to be. That’s it. No explanation needed. They could also have very busy careers, lives and a lot of other things going on to where there simply isn’t time for the commitment and energy that goes into a relationship. Then there may be others who have come out of relationships and just aren’t ready to go into others.
Again, as a married man of sixteen years, I completely understand all this.
Now if I can understand all that, why is it so hard for some of you to understand that smiles don’t = putting on a “show”? It’s really not that hard to get. There seems to be such focus on the fact that the relationships of smiling couples “aren’t all that” and many of you like to say, “You never know what’s going on behind closed doors.”
That’s exactly the point. You never know what’s going on. So stop assuming that it’s bad for every second that a picture isn’t posted. My wife and I aren’t beating each other to death all day and night, but then when it’s time for a picture, we smile. We do a LOT of smiling when the camera is off as well. So why such an emphasis on the negative?
Well hell, we know the answer to that one already. Misery loves company. You’re miserable, so you think that in some way, everyone else is also, or at least they should be.
A relationship is not “great” because it has no problems. A relationship is great because the two people care enough about each other to keep things together as best as they can. No, it’s not always “about the children” and everything else. Many times, the two people are together because they actually want to be and yes, they’re actually happy.
When you see the smiles, stop assuming they’re trying to “fool” anybody. The smiles may have absolutely nothing to with the “lack” of problems in someone’s relationship. It has to do with the fact that the relationship has weathered storms that many of you single folks could not imagine. When you single folks out there try giving all this relationship “advice” on how men and women are supposed to act in a relationship, you’re so clueless about all the storms many relationships see. Storms that do could cause some damage. Storms that take some time to recover from. Storms that again, by all accounts, should have destroyed the relationship many times, but did not.
Are we not allowed to be happy about that?