I honesty enjoy seeing people happy in relationships. Even though my wife and I have been married for more than 18 years, I still believe that relationships are not for everyone. So this isn’t in any way to force that issue.
One thing people often say is that one member or the other is “lucky” to have the other person. I understand the reason for saying this; however, it is not something I would ever say.
For starters, “lucky” is for the lottery. To me, “luck” requires more hope than work. I don’t have to do too much to be “lucky.” Sure, work could lead to luck, but as for luck in general, no…one does not have to do too much in order to have it.
Again, I’ve been married to my wife, Jill, for more than 18 years. I love her dearly. However, I wouldn’t consider that as “luck.” We’ve worked very hard to get to where we are, especially with two children as well. We are both in the Army and she is currently in Europe, where she has been for the past eight months. I feel as if all the work we’ve put into this would be minimized if anyone was to simply say that I or she is “lucky” to have the other person.
Don’t get me wrong. I get it. I understand why people feel “lucky” to have the person they are with. Believe me…I really do.
However, we have to look at ourselves here. And I mean to take a good look.
This is different from the other times we must look at ourselves. Usually when that is said, it is to understand our shortcomings. However, it is the opposite here.
Think about this. What are you saying about yourself when you say that you are “lucky” to have your significant other?
My honest opinion is that in many ways, you’re putting yourself down by saying this.
We are all worthy of being loved. Every one of us. Yes, even those who are extremely difficult individuals. To say that you are “lucky” to be with your significant other, to me, is almost the same as saying that you don’t deserve them. That they are just “tolerating” you. They are doing you a favor. You are not worthy of their love, affection and all else they have to offer.
I feel that saying you are “lucky” to have your significant other, as wonderful as it may be, is a slap in the face. To YOU.
Again, I understand. Even if you said yourself that you are “lucky” to have your significant other, it can be seen as a way to hold them up. I gotcha.
But even in that case, why do you need to put yourself down in order to do so?
We hear all the time of how people put others down to bring themselves up. But how about putting yourself down to bring someone else up?
That’s what I feel saying that you’re “lucky” is doing. You’re holding your significant other up, no question, which is great, but you’re sort of putting yourself down in the process.
“Luck,” to me, is something that isn’t supposed to or expected to happen. I feel absolutely blessed to have survived more than 18 years with my wife, with all the ups and downs we’ve had. But we’ve worked very hard to get this far. I feel like it wouldn’t be doing us justice to say that either of us is “lucky” to have the other person. It would be as if neither of us had to do much to keep the other.
And that is absolutely NOT the case.
I get it. You love your significant other very much. Even not being perfect, you sometimes still feel as if this wasn’t supposed to happen. You think about the bad things that have happened in your life or that you haven’t lived in the most perfect way and you think that you’ve received someone that you don’t necessarily feel you deserved. I promise…I really do understand all that. I have many of those same days myself.
But remember…we don’t have to put ourselves down or to think less of ourselves just to give praise to our significant others.
If you have worked hard on your relationships, don’t reduce it by calling it “lucky” that you and your significant other have remained to together. As amazing as he or she might be, you’re a pretty big catch also. That doesn’t mean that you need to consider them as “lucky,” but understand that you are worthy as well.
Your significant other is not with you out of pity or to do you a favor. There is a lot about you that they love as well. They want to be with you.
Don’t think about all the ways in which you may be feel that they are “better” than you, whether you feel they are more attractive, they are thinner, they are smarter…wherever your mind wants to go. Relationships don’t last because of how much better one person is over the other. They last because of how each person contributes to that relationship and the work that both people put into it.
Sometimes, it can be hard to believe that someone wants us or could think as much of us as they would. As a child, I had very poor self-esteem. I never thought I would end up with a girlfriend, let alone a wife of 18 years and two children. But here I am.
I am not saying that you are wrong for feeling “lucky.” It is just not something I would say to anyone. Because I want you to feel as if you are important. You are worthy. It isn’t taking from your significant other just because you don’t say that you are “lucky” to have them.
Yep, the running gag in so many relationships are the constant jabs at each other. I understand that one too. My wife and I enjoy that as well.
But the “jabs” are different than the other person simply feeling that they are not important enough to matter in the relationship.
You may be a lot of things in the relationship with your significant other.
“Lucky” is not one of them.
You’ve worked hard to get your relationship to where it is.
Don’t minimize it by speaking as though you did not by calling it “luck.”