BLOG POST: #RAPE – Men, Stop Blaming The Damn Victims #NoMore

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If you were driving down the street and another driver intentionally rammed his or her car into yours, would it be fair for someone to say, “Well, it’s your fault for being out there. After all, you know that car accidents happen”?

How about if you go to a restaurant and the server puts some kind of poison in your food? Would it be fair to say, “You know food can sometimes make people sick. It’s your fault for going to that restaurant”?

If you answered no to either of those, then why in the hell would you blame the VICTIM of rape or sexual assault?

As a man, I am SO sick of victims of any kind of sexual assault being blamed in some way for what happened, or because the behavior continued. That attitude and those excuses need to stop.

Now.

It seems to not matter much as far as the circumstances or even who the abuser is. In just about every case of sexual assault that I’ve learned of, there is a always a reason to blame the victim or some excuse to be made. That is sickening.

Brock Turner is the most recent example where excuses are being made for him by much of society, to include his own parents. We are talking about someone who was very capable of making the right decision and he chose not to. This decision will affect his victim for the rest of her life.

And don’t give me the “Oh, he was drunk” excuse. I don’t care what you think about folks who drink or those who have a problem with it, but if you drink so much that you have to try and excuse the things you’ve done after the fact, then that’s a damn problem.

Also, don’t come back with, “Well, she was drunk, too.” And? So her being drunk means that it’s okay for anything to happen to her just because of it?

On another hand, it really pisses me off that more men aren’t speaking up about this. That’s where most of the excuses are coming from. I am appalled that others who call themselves men are finding every reason to excuse whenever rape happens. We are talking about grown, well-capable men, they make a horrible decision, and the blame is put on the person who was a result of that poor decision.

How does that even make sense?

What irritates me the most is that many of these same men would be quick to say, “I’ll kill the bastard” if it were to happen to their daughters. Damn near every man in the world would say that. So obviously you know it’s wrong. Why the hell does it need to happen to our daughters before we decide to declare it as something that shouldn’t happen?

By the way, the other women rape and sexual assault happens to? HELLO…THEY ARE ALL SOMEONE’S DAUGHTERS.

Why are we so afraid to speak up against the men who do this? Is this part of some sick “bro code” (or whatever the hell they call it these days) where we aren’t supposed to say anything about it? Well if such a “code” does exist, then this is a stupid ass rule to have as part of it.

What in the hell gives a man the right to treat a woman as if her body is HIS possession and not her own? That annoys the hell out of me also. I would love to know what goes through a man’s mind (not that anything would excuse it) when they decide to rape someone. What is lacking in your life where you need to exert that kind of power over someone else?

The excuses and justification for it go from bad to worse. Things are said, for example:

Why isn’t she being blamed for being drunk like he was also? Because being drunk is not damn justification for being raped. We’re not talking about something SHE chose to do after getting drunk. This is what someone else chose to do to her. If you can’t understand that, read the first two paragraphs of this blog post again.

So he should pay the rest of his life over one bad decision? We’ve all made bad decisions before. Yeah, but you know what? I’ve never chosen to rape anyone. And as far as HIM paying for the rest of his life, what about the victim? When does her suffering expire? Is there a time limit we can put on that as well? If you want to excuse the behavior this time, how many other time can we use the “He was young and stupid” to justify scarring someone for life? And can I come and do whatever I want to you, just to tell you to chalk it as a “bad decision” and you just let me off the hook?

I didn’t think so.

(If it happened some period of time ago) Why did she wait so long to say something? Because of the piss poor attitudes and excuses that spew out of ignorant mouths when they DO come forward right when it happens.

Seriously…think about this for a second. Women are blamed all the time for sexual assault and rape happening to them. If you knew or were pretty damn sure that you would be blamed for something happening to you, would YOU be quick to come out and say a bunch about it?

Not to mention, it’s already a humiliating experience for her, to say the least. If you’re humiliated in a manner that will likely traumatize you for life, how easy would it be for YOU to come forward about it?

What was she wearing? What the hell difference does it make? Considering that most rapes are committed by men who the victims know, clothing has little to no bearing on it whatsoever. And seriously…what kind of weak ass individual do you have to be to not be able to handle a woman who is dressed a certain way as if you’ve never seen it before?

Get a damn grip.

Let’s talk about sex for a minute. Now, most of us (I would like to think) often want to shower right afterward and this is consensual sex we are referring to; someone you absolutely love having it with. So imagine that someone you DON’T want to have sex with forces themselves onto you and does whatever the hell they please. On top of that, about the only way you can get them into trouble is if you DON’T shower, so that your body can sit in that disgusting state as someone takes their sweet time to comb all over your body to get any and all evidence from it, just so you can HOPE that this leads to them catching the perpetrator, as many times it either never happens or as if Brock Turner’s case, he gets a slap on the wrist as society continues to make excuses for it happening or blaming you? A shower and at least your body is cleaned quickly, even though the trauma is still there. This is why most women choose to go that route and I can’t blame them. My goodness, why would you NOT want to shower immediately when something like that happens?

This is really not that hard to understand. So why are so many people acting like they can’t get it?

And please, save the “white/rich kid privilege” nonsense. I get it; it happens. But I’m also tired of the victims being shoved aside so quickly just so people can argue about who gets the worst punishment. This isn’t about black, white and/or rich. It should be about the victims. I honestly think some people are really happy it happens, just so they can start arguing about that and basically ignore the victims.

Men, we HAVE to speak up about this more and stop blaming the victims. Most of what I’ve seen are women complaining about (keep speaking up, ladies…some of us men ARE behind you) and that’s it.

WE need to say more. We need to say “That’s enough. No more damn excuses. Period.”

This is NOT about “us against them,” meaning men against women. This is about RIGHT AGAINST WRONG. There is absolutely nothing “right” about a man raping a woman. This seems SO damn simple to me.

So why is this even a discussion, as if some people don’t understand it?

Men, I don’t give a damn about “bro codes” or any of that nonsense. Man up and damn SPEAK up. If you’re ready to beat the hell out of the man when it happens to your daughter, then again, you obviously DO see that it’s wrong.

We are GROWN ASS MEN. We have the ability to know what we should do and shouldn’t be doing. Kids are the ones who do things and blame it on everyone else. THEY don’t know better. WE DO. Personally, I can’t bring myself to blame someone for the actions I TAKE MYSELF. That doesn’t speak to me being a man. It speaks to me being extremely weak and unable to control myself.

If (God forbid) this happens to your daughter, would you accept all the excuses being made? Would you sit there quietly and patiently as others continued to say that it was her fault? Would you blame her yourself?

If your answers are no (and then damn sure better be), then stop blaming the victims just because they aren’t your daughters. Be MEN and speak up against rape and sexual assault. Plain and simple; case closed. We’re too damn old to be saying that anything and everyone else is the reason that WE can and can’t do things.

In short, stop the bullshit. Period.

 

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